My fellow People: While you pay taxes, which might you relatively help? Most cancers analysis, or getting one man a very large boat? Don’t reply that. We’ve got answered it for you, with the Massive, Lovely Invoice.
We took one take a look at the financial system and stated, “All of those folks can barely afford hire! Why, they could work 100 years and by no means have the ability to purchase a yacht! They may get married at metropolis corridor and have their receptions in a park. None of them will hire out your complete metropolis of Venice. Possibly, if they’re feeling fancy, they’ll purchase a single egg.” After which we stated, “No! We will’t let this occur. We’re taking a stand. We’ve obtained to redistribute the wealth of People correctly: to billionaires, who will use it higher than the remainder of us can.”
The Massive, Lovely Invoice assigns every American a billionaire who will stay the American dream for you. You may verify in in your billionaire at intervals and see how he’s utilizing your cash. Possibly he’s constructing a nineteenth pool. Possibly he’s shopping for himself some previously public land! Possibly he’s taking a Supreme Court docket justice on a dream trip! Possibly he’s reupholstering the Statue of Liberty to cover the poem. Possibly he’s throwing a Nice Gatsby–themed cocktail hour as a part of his marriage ceremony extravaganza! Possibly he’s changing his blood with transfusions from his “blood boys.” Possibly he has purchased a whole lot of eggs and is pelting the home of a mere hundred-millionaire with them. Possibly he has purchased some $TRUMP coin and is attending a particular bash! There’s by no means a boring second for the fortunate beneficiaries of this excellent invoice!
Positive, you’re getting coal—and, for some cause, asbestos—in your vacation stocking, however someplace your billionaire is getting 600 diamonds! One among them fell beneath his sofa, and he didn’t even discover! Now he’s going to area! No, you’ll be able to’t come. However you get to really feel that you simply have been a small a part of making it occur. Unrelatedly, NASA might be getting 41 missions canceled.
Keep in mind the Undertake a Freeway program? That is like that, besides that on the finish of it, the highways will all be worse and a person who doesn’t know your identify may have six further helicopters.
While you’re sick of checking in in your billionaire, don’t neglect to pop in and take a look at ICE, the opposite factor your {dollars} are working laborious to help! Not their faces. These are nonetheless hidden. However you’ll be able to take a look at the fantastic new amenities they’re constructing! Properly, you’ll be able to’t, personally, and so they have stated your members of Congress can’t, both. However you’ll be able to think about how fantastic they’re! In all probability, for $45 billionthey’re fairly fantastic!
Which might you relatively have, help in your grandfather’s retirement or the reassuring information that, someplace, ICE is kidnapping another person’s grandfather and throwing him right into a van? Would you relatively have meals in your baby, or the sense that perhaps you helped contribute to constructing a giant wall? As you wrestle to search out an elder-care facility that can settle for Medicaid as a result of all the ones in your state have closed, simply know that you simply’re dwelling the American dream of getting a expensive internment facility inbuilt your identify! Did I say internment facility? I meant Alligator Alcatraz! They’re promoting T-shirts.
As your individual desires shrivel, keep in mind that somebody, someplace is being made much more depressing than you! That’s the brand new American dream: that somebody is being punished in your identify. And, someplace else, a billionaire is blissful. Your private billionaire! Look, he’s smiling and giving a giant thumbs-up! Already, your tax {dollars} are being put to good use.
