After a number of marathon classes in Room 101 of the Ministry of Trump, the Republican member of Congress was starting to see the strategic necessity of destroying NATO so as to add Greenland to america. It nonetheless got here solely in flashes. The Republican was strapped to a camp mattress surrounded with dials, attempting rapidly to get his thoughts proper in order that he may return on the market and do media and reply the questions on Greenland accurately. He was perspiring closely, as was his interrogator, O’Brien.
“Has anybody proven him a non-Mercator projection?” the congressman requested. He blinked his eyes in opposition to the intense gentle.
O’Brien sighed. “We’ve been over this,” he mentioned. “You’ve got forgotten: There are critical causes for wanting Greenland moreover how giant it appears on the map. Do you bear in mind what they’re?”
The congressman’s head was throbbing; he noticed, or thought he noticed, dozens of small Greenlands waving at and taunting him on the wall, on the ceiling, each time he turned his head. “No,” he mentioned. He waited for the ache to start once more. (This course of was voluntary; he thought it could be simpler than defying Donald Trump publicly.)
“As a result of,” O’Brien mentioned, with exaggerated persistence. “As a result of ‘america alone can shield this large mass of land, this large piece of ice.’ His very phrases this morning. Do you bear in mind now?”
“However,” the Congress member mentioned.
“Assume!” O’Brien urged.
“We have already got all the entry to Greenland that we’d strategically want,” the Congress member mentioned. “And sustaining our alliances is extra invaluable for shielding peace than being able to deploy troops to this rock—”
“Piece of ice,” O’Brien corrected sternly. “You’re not considering clearly.”
The member sighed. “I’m not seeing it. I’ve misplaced it.”
O’Brien frowned. “Assume!” He turned the dial.
The Congress member winced. “NATO,” he muttered. “NATO.”
“Take a look at the map,” O’Brien mentioned. “Look how huge it’s. It should be essential, extra essential than NATO. What’s NATO? Only a collection of letters—letters that might simply be rearranged to spell OATN, NAOT, TOAN. Meaningless. Simply gibberish.”
The member whimpered. “Greenland,” he mentioned. “Nationwide curiosity. ‘Golden Dome.’”
“Good,” O’Brien mentioned. He lowered the ache dial again to zero and poured himself a glass of ice water. “I like ice.”
“I, too, love ice,” the member mentioned, weakly.
“Superb,” O’Brien mentioned. “Very, superb.” He took one other sip and opened Fact Social to see how the president’s journey to Davos was going. “Oh expensive,” he mentioned, gravely.
“What?” the congressman requested. “What, what, what’s it?”
“Iceland,” O’Brien sighed, eradicating his spectacles. He performed a clip of the president’s speech, fast-forwarding to Trump’s dialogue of NATO. “Till the previous couple of days, once I instructed them about Iceland, they cherished me,” Trump was saying. “They referred to as me ‘Daddy.’”
“Iceland?” the member mentioned. “No, it’s Greenland.”
O’Brien fast-forwarded. “They’re not there for us on Iceland, I can let you know,” Trump continued. “I imply, our inventory market took the primary dip yesterday due to Iceland. So Iceland’s already value us some huge cash.’”
“No,” the Republican mentioned. “He means Greenland.”
O’Brien frowned and tented his fingers. “A mistake? To want to purchase Gullfoss Falls? Scorching springs? The Prose Edda? You actually suppose he misspoke? Our president?”
“The Prose Edda is beautiful,” the Republican mentioned feebly. “Donald Trump is smart.”
“I ought to say so,” O’Brien mentioned. “For a second there, I suspected you of the thoughtcrime of believing that Donald J. Trump, the president of america, could be prepared to torch the nation’s credibility, set fireplace to its alliances, and tank your complete economic system to amass some territory within the North Atlantic whose title he couldn’t even bear in mind.”
The member of Congress sighed. “No,” he mentioned. “No, you’re proper. We’d higher do Iceland too. In case.” He shut his eyes.
“Iceland,” O’Brien mentioned. “It might require sacrifices, simply as Greenland will. Tariffs. Boots on the bottom. We should be prepared to pay the worth. It should be our territory.”
“I need to perceive,” the congressman mentioned. “I’m attempting to know it.”
O’Brien glanced at Fact Social once more. “Oh,” he mentioned. “By no means thoughts. It was Greenland. And the tariffs are off. We don’t want the territory. Only a ‘framework of a future deal.’”
Quietly, the Republican started to sob. “I don’t know what number of extra issues I can imagine within the area of three hours.”
“You understand,” O’Brien mentioned, “you at all times have the choice of strolling out of right here and standing as much as him. Of claiming, ‘You might be doing irreparable injury, and none of this makes any sense.’ It solely requires a bit of little bit of braveness.”
The member lay again down on the cot and strapped himself in tighter. “No,” he mentioned. “I’m good.”
